I grew up in a Christian home. Mom and Dad were grounded in their beliefs. Dad was the families spiritual leader just as the Bible teaches. What he said was law in our home.

Mom was the peacemaker. She was the glue that held us together; the organizer that made sure things ran smoothly. According to dad, mom was the type of woman that would back him up in anything he thought was right. If he said that the house would look better five feet over to the left, she would probably ask him which side he wanted her to pick up.

Life was pretty much normal for 16 years; at least as far as I knew at that time.

Suddenly, another side of me came out. It was me, but not me. Hate, anger, and pain bubbled up inside. I don't remember much more of what was said that evening because of the "new" me that had erupted from within to live in my place.

Dad may not have known this but may have had suspicions. But after reading this, he will know. I hated God and shook my fist in His face. Why? How could He take my life from me; the life I had in mom? Oh sure, like other kids and adults, I didn't always honor my mom and dad. Quite frankly, I was a real jerk to them most of the time. The old saying "you don't know what you have till it's gone" is true. But you also don't know what you have till its being ripped from your hands.

I turned away from God and to satanism and witchcraft; immersing myself in the most ungodly things I could as I tried to show God how much I hated Him. I couldn't understand; why mom? Sure, she had a temper, but was such a peaceful person. She was so cute in her simple ways and the things she liked. For example, at Christmas she loved buying and giving; never really desiring anything for herself. Now all this was being taken away from me; bitterness and resentment were all that remained.

Tuesday, April 11th 1989, we buried Mom. Dad and I were falling apart; going separate ways. We were both looking for something to ease the pain. We exchanged harsh words and I was cruel to him.

Time has passed; the pain still exist. But our relationship is being restored. I've asked dad to forgive me. Like the biblical description of a good father, he was there, waiting patiently for me to realize my faults, loving me the whole time. He never gave up but instead prayed for me nightly. With tear filled eyes and a heart aching with pain, he had earnestly prayed for my return to reality.

I discovered chat groups and began making friends. I found a room called Celebrate-Jesus and was overwhelmed by all the nice people.

Although I was making new friends, I was still very hateful, depressed, and at times, quite paranoid.

For awhile I protested but finally agreed to let her call. Hope (the room leader) stayed on the phone with me until I went to sleep. She continued calling me night after night. A friendship began growing between us; one that I had known only once before and lost and missed. Hope and I conversed over the phone and internet for an entire year; sharing dreams, hopes, and aspirations.

One day while driving on I-10 in Alabama and listening to a radio broadcast, I got saved. When I told Hope, she could not believe her ears. She was happy to say the least. My time of running from God was over and just like before in my earthly father, my heavenly father forgave me.

The song playing in the background is called "Heart Shaped Tears". When I hear it, I can't help but think of Jesus. Many times in the past and even still today, I crucify Him daily; and so do you. Have you ever thought about that?

It's been said many times that Jesus died of a broken heart. I don't know if that's true, but I believe that you and I were on His mind that day on the cross. A lump wells up in my throat when I think of the tears He shed and the pain He endured as He thought about us.

You may not see the faults in people but they do fail God at times regardless of what they may want you to think. It's important to avoid focusing on your perceptions of others. Don't let false appearences hold you back from pressing on in your faith.

Though becoming "saved" is actually quite simple, it doesn't guarantee a carefree, "charmed" life. There will be sorrow; there will be suffering; there will be pain. As long as we are on this earth, those things will follow.

What salvation guarantees is that our Saviour will be with us always, encouraging us, giving us hope, leading and directing our lives as we travel the twist and turns of lifes pathways. And it guarantees our inheritance into the kingdom of God where all sorrow, suffering, and pain will vanish.

If you have questions or want prayer concerning your struggles, please email us today.

If you don't know Jesus as your Lord and Saviour but want to, please click here to see how simple it is to receive Jesus into your heart.